Caption Contest Winners

Yes, I'm still here. No, I haven't been ignoring you. Well, yes, I have been ignoring you, but I've had good reason, and regardless, it's nothing personal. Anyway, winners have been posted for both the bonus and regularly scheduled caption contests. Congratulations to me and all the other winners!

"Think of it as Star Wars, if Han Solo were the main character, and he still shot Greedo first."*

Here's how it is: The Earth got used up, so we moved out and terraformed a whole new galaxy of Earths -- some, rich and flush with the new technologies, some, not so much. The central planets, them that formed the Alliance, waged war to bring everyone under their rule. A few idiots tried to fight it, among them, myself. I'm Malcolm Reynolds, captain of Serenity. She's a transport ship, Firefly class. We got a good crew: fighters, pilot, mechanic. We even picked up a preacher, for some reason, and a bona fide Companion. There's a doctor, too -- took his genius sister out of some Alliance camp, so they're keeping a low profile, you understand. You got a job, we can do it. Don't much care what it is."
--Malcolm Reynolds, narrating at the opening of each episode of Firefly

I don't go to the movies very often anymore. I think it has something to do with having worked at a movie theater. You know how people who used to work at, say, Wendy's oftentimes will make a point of never eating at Wendy's? Especially upon finding out how the chili is prepared? It's the same with me -- after having been a bow tie & vest-wearing monkey behind the box office glass at the AMC Ward Parkway, I have a hard time going to a theater without suffering flashbacks:

"I want two adults and three children to 'Striptease'."
"It was too dark in the theater; I want my money back!"
"What do you mean, 'A Mid-Continent Public Library card is not a student ID.'!?"

You people can be really irritating sometimes! You've ruined the allure of the movies for me. Well, you and the fact that I used to be able to get in for free, and have grown averse to paying.

(It wasn't all bad, though. As a twenty-two year old college graduate with a degree in chemical engineering, I got to scare the living hell out of a bunch of teenagers by telling them that if they stayed in school and studied hard, they could end up in the box office, just like me! I take my entertainment where I can get it.)

Anyway, I can count the number of movies I've seen in the theater over the last two years on one hand (and one of those -- Episode 3 -- I wish I could un-see). But, Tuesday night, I'm heading back to the scene of so many nightmares, and will do so happily in order to attend a bloggers-only press screening of Joss Whedon's Serenity!

Why get so excited about a movie based on a television show that was cancelled after only eleven episodes? Because they were a really good eleven episodes, and because I'm convinced that if the programming executives at Fox weren't collectively brain dead (whose idea was it to air the two-hour pilot episode last?), the show would have caught on in a big way. Because those of us who watched the show and made the DVD release of the series a surprise hit worked hard to make such a movie possible. Because I believe that there's a place for smart dialogue, imaginative storytelling, fully-realized characters and settings, and a quirky sensibility in cinema. Because the character of mercenary Jayne Cobb is worth the price of admission.

Regardless, Serenity is the one movie being released this fall that I'm really looking forward to, and thanks to this blogging gig, I get to see it in advance (and for free! Thanks guys!). Actually, thanks to this blogging gig, Em gets to see it in advance, too (the studio is hosting these blogger screenings all over the country). She and I will both be posting our reviews after seeing the film -- me here, and Em at her blog, "Random Musings of a Grammar Nerd.". Until then, check out the movie's web site, read the studio's capsule summary of the film below, and purchase your tickets for the premiere on Friday, Sept. 30!

Joss Whedon, the Oscar® - and Emmy - nominated writer/director responsible for the worldwide television phenomena of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE, ANGEL and FIREFLY, now applies his trademark compassion and wit to a small band of galactic outcasts 500 years in the future in his feature film directorial debut, Serenity. The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, Serenity. He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family – squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal."

*I can't come up with a better one-sentence description of the much loved, much cancelled television show, Firefly. It's not my one sentence description, of course; I stole it from an M.E. Russell article at The Weekly Standard. But it captures the spirit of the show.

Simpsons Quote Friday

Offered without context or explanation.

Oh, Mr. Pigeon, I'd kiss you if you weren't swimming with disease!"
--Lisa Simpson

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolves? -- A Bonus Caption Contest

From my personal photo archive, and based on a true story:

Winner (as promised):
Mmm ... lunch!.
Dave

The "Moral Victory" Runner-up Award
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death ...

SK

The Originality Award
Mmm ... breakfast!
Mustang 23

The "Truth in Advertising" Award
It looks like a rat on stilts. You nudge it and I'll yell TIMBER!
Ric

The "Short Man's Syndrome" Award
In spite of his small stature, the Drill Sergeant was clearly in charge.
Mustang Sarge

Challenge Issued, Challenge Met

To answer your question, Mustang: Yes, I can.

Simpsons Quote Friday

Offered without context or explanation.

Know ye who read this, there is more to my life than history records. Firstly, I did not tame the legendary buffalo. It was already tame; I merely shot it."
--Jebediah Springfield, famed pioneer and founder of the town of Springfield

"Random Dave Stuff," Part 1 -- An Encounter With Warren Buffett

For the past two years, I've been in the MBA program at the University of Kansas. This has afforded me the opportunity to have some very long days (I take classes at night, after work), and to feel the wrath of Mustang 23, who isn't what you'd call a "fan" of the Jayhawks. But it has also allowed me to spend some time -- "hobnob," if you will -- with various fat-cats. And cats don't come much fatter than the CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, Warren Buffett. He's known as The Oracle of Omaha, The Wizard of Wall Street, That Guy Who Looks Like My Cousin Martin. He's considered to be the greatest investor in history, and, with a net worth of $43 billion, is the second richest person in the world. Through Berkshire, he owns GEICO, Dairy Queen, Fruit of the Loom, Helzberg Diamonds, The Pampered Chef, Nebraska Furniture Mart, 8% of Coca-Cola, 12% of American Express, 10% of Gillette, 21% of the Washington Post, and, just for giggles, ACME Brick.

Otherwise, he's just like you and me.

Through my MBA program, I've had the opportunity to see him twice. The first time was in April, at Berkshire Hathaway's Annual Shareholders Meeting. I am not a shareholder, mind you -- at roughly $83,000 per share, it's a bit outside my pay grade (though they do offer "Class B" shares designed to be affordable for the average investor -- $2,700 per share). However, my Investments professor managed to procure a couple hundred passes, and made attendance 15% of our grade.

"Find a hotel room in Omaha for the night before, because I need you in line at the Qwest Center by 5 am." he said. "When the doors open at seven, run like hell for stage left on the arena floor, and start posting these 'Reserved' signs on as many chairs as you can. I want the entire class together and within ten rows of the stage. Kick the canes out from under the old people, if you have to; just make it happen!"

Good professor. I learned a lot from him.

Anyway, I spent the day listening to Warren Buffett talk about this and that, and got to sit ten yards, one barrier fence, and a glowering bodyguard away from Bill Gates (who is on the Berkshire Hathaway Board of Directors). I roamed the exhibit floor, where various Berkshire-owned companies had set up displays, but was disappointed at the amount and quality of the swag to be had. It was amusing, though, to see some of the wealthiest people in the world (to stereotype the average Berkshire meeting attendee) crawling all over one another to grab armfuls of inexpensive underwear from the Fruit of the Loom kiosk.

That was my first run-in with Mr. Buffett. Fast forward to the end of the semester: my Investments prof again arranged for the class to go to Omaha, this time for a ninety-minute Q&A session with Warren Buffett at Berkshire World Headquarters. This, too, was 15% of my grade, so I took a vacation day, drove to Lawrence on a Friday morning to meet the charter bus, and managed to lock my keys in my car. I learned that day that it is absurdly, frighteningly easy to break into a locked late-model automobile -- all you need is a blood pressure cuff and a fishing pole. Take the blood pressure cuff, insert it into the seam between the door and ...

Wait. I'm getting off track, aren't I? Let's try this again.

So, once again, I found myself going to Omaha for an audience with Cousin Martin. Wait, no ... I mean, with Warren Buffett. Sorry. My Investments professor instructed us to bring questions, as well as a digital camera. I took this picture of Warren Buffett drinking a Coke:

Here's a picture I took of him eating a Dairy Queen sundae in front of us:

Buffett's kinda shameless about product placement.

My professor also advised us to bring a book for Warren Buffett to sign. Now, I don't own any books by or about Warren Buffett, as I lamented to my as-of-then still local girlfriend, Emily. She surprised me by making a beeline for her bookcase and pulling a Buffett book right off the shelf, and suggested that I take it with me to Omaha. I did so, but didn't have an opportunity to have Warren sign it, as we ran out of time. He did, however, have us leave them with his secretary, and promised to sign them and ship them back to Lawrence. He even told us to include a note with instructions on how we would like the autographs personalized.

The semester ended, and months passed. Word came that Em's book had returned from Omaha, but I was unable to find my way to Lawrence to retrieve it. The fall semester started, and, wonder of wonders, one of my classmates who lives in Lawrence was nice enough to ferry it to Kansas City. Check it out!

In case you can't make it out, that says, "To Emily - Warren Buffett." I figured it was her book, after all, so I should have Warren personalize it for her. Of course, by the time I got the book back, she had moved, so I wasn't able to get it to her until Labor Day weekend (when I left Ft. Livingroom to spend three days at FOB Em's Townhouse). She seemed pretty pleased with it.

By now, you might be wondering which Buffett book I had Warren sign. Well, wonder no longer; it was this one:

I'm just disappointed that Warren didn't follow my suggestion and sign it:

"To Emily: Keep searching for that lost shaker of salt. -- Warren Buffett "

The Barnyard Animal of the Day is ...

... the emu. This is an emu:

Like all worthwhile creatures, emus were named after the sound they make. You'll know you're in the presence of an emu when you hear its majestic call, which goes a bit like this:

E-Moooooooooo!

(This knowledge proves to be especially useful in later verses of "Old Macdonald Had a Farm.")

Simpsons Quote Fri ... er, Saturday

Offered without context or explanation.

Ah, there's nothing more exciting than science. You get all the fun of sitting still, being quiet, writing down numbers, paying attention. Science has it all."
-- Principal Seymour Skinner

Simpsons Quote Friday

Offered without context or explanation

Authorities say the phony pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth."
-- Local news anchor Kent Brockman